I’ve got two labs. One black one. One yellow one…Brother and sister.
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The black one is part Great White Shark. He’ll eat anything. He’s good in the house, though. Not since they were puppies have the words, “Where’s the remote?”, not been followed up by a quick “over there, next to the table.” But the fact of the matter is they poop, and when the Great White Shark gets into something he’s not supposed to, I usually find it out in the yard a couple of days later. I really don’t know how he gets this stuff. Christmas it was the red berries from some garland my girlfriend hung with care along the staircase. I guess he thought they were pretty enough to eat. Half eaten plastic Easter eggs the other day…we had no Easter egg hunt…are the pets going to holiday parties we don’t know about? A vet friend tells a great story about a lab that ate a whole throw rug and pooped it out whole the next day…scary for the pet’s parents…but those labs are crazy.
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In case you haven’t guessed, I’m the fix-it girl in the relationship…the “oh sh*t get the spider out of the room!”…so I’m not so squeamish. I’ve seen the dogs chewing on a couple of “things” out in the woods and I had to yell at them, and last winter what I thought was an old stick was in fact part of a petrified squirrel…Oops. So this next discovery was in fact very funny to me, but to my girlfriend was not funny at all…which made it all the more funny to me.
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I’m in the backyard picking up poop and I come across one of Big Black’s Great White mystery poops. What the hell did he eat? Money…is that money???? So I get a stick and lift up the paper and yes, I see that it is a $1 bill. I think…but I’m just not sure. My dog is eating my money. This is tax time…there is really no good time for your dog to eat your money, but now is definitely not good.
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Well…what do I do now. If it’s a dollar bill I throw it away…$5? $10 $20. What’s my price? I start to laugh and think. My girlfriend will die if I show her this…so I go to the back door with it on the end of the stick. It wasn’t pretty. After I explain what was on the end of the stick, it was determined that she would throw it away even if it was $100! She was not amused…she has a high price. For the record I did throw the poop dollar in the trash and wash my hands with scalding hot water for like 20 minutes. But I think I would have tried to think of some McGuiver way to clean a $10 or maybe even a $5…
Big black lab…Great White of the backyard that lays the golden poop.
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For those movie buffs, and people that haven’t been creeped out by the poop post, the whole episode reminded me of a great movie I hadn’t thought of or seen in a long time called “The Magic Christian”. Peter Sellers stars as the world’s wealthiest man, who sets out with a young ally (Ringo Starr) to demonstrate that people will do anything for money. Here’s the final scene from the movie that’s pretty relevant to the above story…
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