DListed: I was wondering why my no-no stopped puckering whenever I stood outside of the CNN studios for hours on end in the night time hours. I figured my asshole’s GPS tracking system needed maintenance, but it doesn’t! It wasn’t getting the tingles, because Mah Boo Anderson Cooper is thousands of miles away in India with a man friend! Yes, the same man friend that will give you (aka me) a black eye just from flinching.

Page Six reports that Mah Boo was spotted in Jaipur with Benjamin Maisani, one of the owners of the gay bar Eastern Bloc in the East Village. Mah Boo is staying at the Rambagh Palace and some source said, “Anderson’s room has a large round bathtub. On the first night it was filled with bubbles and sprinkled with red rose petals.”

Oh, Mah Boo’s fancy bath doesn’t mean anything! That’s how he always takes his baths. He likes the way the petals gently tickle his nipples while the bubbles waltz around his Anthyllis.

I know I should probably grab my kayak and head for India, but if you love something, you must set it free…..and then watch it from the bushes while crying in an empty cake box. And yes, if you need me, I’ll be in the padded room on the right.