
Buzzfeed: Yesterday the internet was buzzing with the news that Martha Stewart gently bites her animals to let them know that she is now their mother. We all know that this works in her world because Martha is queen of all she surveys, but how does this translate into my mere mortal life? I did a test to find out:
Test #1 Bite my 1year old cat, Adelaide. Immediately she rolled over on her back which I took as a good sign, but she was playing a classic trick. When I went to rub her belly I got all four claws and her mouth vice-gripped on my arm. Thinking I could outlast her games, I gently bit the back of her neck, and she not-so-gently bite into forearm muscle. I cried uncle and extracted my arm and mouth.
Test #2 Bite my 12 year old Labrador Retriever, Ellie. 30 seconds later there was still no response and after an hour I still had to feed her, walk her and pick up her poop. When my girlfriend got home 2 hours later Ellie jumped up, ran to greet her and gave her her paw and undying devotion.
Test #3 Bite my girlfriend who I’ve been in a relationship with for 15 years. I gently bite the back of her neck and say, “Who’s your mother?” She laughs so hard she has to get up and go to the bathroom…with both animals following her, because they obviously think of her as their mother.
Conclusion: Martha Stewart wears the motherly pants in the family; I do not.